Important Life Skills- Listen Up Kids!

This week my niece celebrates her birthday. She's not a kid anymore but she is still an adorable kid to me, as well as a beautiful, graceful, smart and compassionate young lady. I think her parents did a great job of raising her and she's done a great job of becoming. To celebrate, I have completed my list of important life skills for young people.

Dear Niece,

I know you all ready have some of these skills, and I'm happy to help you acquire the rest if you want assistance. In spite of the moniker "weird old aunt meandering", and in spite of the fact that your mom and Aunties insist on perpetuating the myth that I was a "wild one", I want you to know that the following list contains only things that can effectively help you move ahead in your life, the skills necessary to sail smoothly across the many challenging conditions found in the ever changing waters of life.

Important Life Skills- In no particular order and with explanations only when necessary. To be successful in life you should be able to:

Drive a standard shift (so when your date gets drunk and hands you the keys).
Play poker (so you don't get the wool pulled over your eyes in a friendly game, comes in handy in Vegas too).
Play 8-ball well enough to walk into a pool hall (if you can also play 9-ball and billiards it's a big plus).
Light a Cigar (no, you don't have to smoke it).
Pack a weeks worth of clothes in a carry on.
Figure how many drinks it takes to make you look stupid, and never drink that much. (If you don't know, get a sober friend to count for you. The next day they can tell you what your limit is. This experiment should be done at home, and only with beer or liquor, not both at once).
Balance a check book and be able to figure compound interest (always do the math before you buy).
Leave the house with just your wallet and phone (no, not purse, wallet. Nothing in your purse is gonna save your butt in a real emergency, unless of course you're packing heat, and seeing as you're a Texan I guess that could be the case, if it is, take the purse.)
Change a flat tire.
Find and ask for expert advice (somebody knows more about the project than you do, it's worth the money).
Start a campfire with matches and small twigs only (much easier than a magnifying glass or one of those bow thingies).
Play an instrument, even if it's just a tambourine.
Ski, sail and golf (never know when you are going to get an invitation you don't want to refuse).
Tell the difference between a water goblet and a wine glass; know the function of all 5 forks and what to do with your used butter knife (ditto).
Question your doctor intelligently and ask for a second opinion in a nice way.
Ask for directions to the rest room and for a drink in at least 3 languages (just a drink- you can always point to water, beer, something stronger if needed).
Play Blackjack (also handy in Vegas).
Make the 3 M's of cocktails- Margarita, Manhattan, Martini.
Dance (at least a traditional waltz and the Texas two step. In addition, an east or west coast swing would be good too).
Name at least two friends whose numbers are in your memory (not your phone's memory, your memory) who will come get you no matter where you are, what time it is or what the weather.
Point out at least a few stars, find the North Star and find north on a cloudy day. (Hint: check for moss).
Read a map and a compass.
Swim well enough to jump off a boat if you have to (it’s a long story).
Make small talk at a social event (hint: ask questions).
Put up a tent in the dark without directions.
Recognize the difference between fauvism, Impressionism, Neoclassicism, Romanticism (and other artsy-isms).
Tell a joke or entertain with a riddle.
Make a toast or give a short speech without sweating.
Make proper introductions (you know, who gets introduced to whom?).
Pick the correct shoe size.
Tell the difference between an antique and a reproduction.
Recite the current regulations for carry on luggage.
Take a quick nap in a chair (comfortably and without embarrassment).
Recognize names of Blues, Jazz, and classical musicians.

And last but not least- when your heart tells you the answer should be no, be able to say no, any time, any where, to any one, for any reason with out feeling bad about it.

Now, because you are a Texan, and excel at golf, I will leave you with the words of Roy McAvoy, the lead character in that classic Texas style golf movie "Tin Cup" -"Life is full of defining moments. When a defining moment comes, either you define the moment or the moment defines you."




Define your moments sweetie, and happy birthday!